Aug 21st: Paper Kimono

Alex had a party, which I wanted to webcam, but in the end I really couldn't give a shit. Instead, things happened:

As reciprocity for my webcaming or at least documenting the birthday event, Alex made my costume. Everyone else had to bring their own, or wear this charm on their forehead which would eventually render them cross-eyed.

When Alex makes a costume.. he makes one fucker of a costume. In the end, I had to be taped into this giant, fat, paper kimono, which he'd sprayed with PVA glue so it hardened to board and all I could do was lean against things.

Since there was no footage shot, I certainly feel bad about him expending time and energy like that. I think the whole party exercise took two weeks to pull off.

I've used the term 'go off' twice this weekend, but only as a shortened version of 'go off without a hitch' instead of the hip-term version meaning to 'be a blast'. People still look at me with the same amount of distain in their eyes though.

Other things happened:

There were friends there whom I hadn't seen in 6 months and at least one with whom I hadn't exchange pleasantries with for a good 8 months.

Then an ex showed up and it started to feel like a hate-circle.

Maybe I just let my anxieties get the better of me.

Someday I will be an enemy with everyone, eventually this will happen. Maybe not everyone, maybe only the ones that matter. But that will be enough burden to topple me. Yes, I have unresolved intimacy issues.

Joel was pretty cool about things though, it has been a very very long time and aside from the obvious lack of communication between us, there was no apparent residual resentment.

In all, I just really wasn't in the mood. The night before, I'd stayed up till 4am blow-drying the birthday card I'd made and even then I had to go out and buy another one because it didn't get done in time.

I've left the video camera at Alex's, so perhaps he'll record something exciting for my sequence.

before inbetween after